OK, ‘Make me laugh’

Scott Wood:

“Our dog got out of the yard and bit the neighbor’s kid. Now the city tells me that we have to put him to sleep. It’s fine with me. I never liked that kid anyway.”

“I killed a huge mouse. Now they won’t let me back into Disneyland.”

“I took my neighbor’s Lexus for a ride. They’re hard to hotwire.”

“Somebody stole my Visa card. Now it’s everywhere I’d want to be.”

“I ran over the neighbor’s cat. I felt awful. It took me three tries.”

Steve Verret:

Those of us who have big brothers all realize how tough it was to be James, the brother of Jesus.

“Mom, I made a bird cage today. Isn’t it nice? I built it to house all the birds Jesus is bringing back to life...”

“How different would the Ministry of Jesus have been if the ACLU had been around. Can you see the headline? ‘ACLU sues Jesus on Behalf of Pig Farmers... Claim Jesus Turned his Perfectly Good Pigs into Deviled Ham!’”