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Im
having the hardest time trying to teach my boys about honesty and
truthfulness. I talk and talk to them, and it just doesnıt seem
to do much good. What would you advise?
Someone
once said, ³Iıd rather see a sermon than hear one.² There is truth
to this statement. Children may not remember what you say, but they
are usually impacted for life by what you do. Consider the task
of teaching your boys to be honest, for example. Yes, you should
teach what the Scripture says about truthfulness, but you should
also look for opportunities to live according to that standard of
righteousness.
Iım
reminded of something that happened several years ago in Georgia,
when the Bulldogs of Rockdale County High School overcame a big
deficit to win the state basketball championship. Coach Cleveland
Stroud couldnıt have been more proud of his team. But a few days
later, while watching the game films of the playoffs, he noticed
that there was an ineligible player on the court for 45 seconds
during one of the games. He called the Georgia High School Association
and reported the violation, costing the school the title and the
trophy.
When
asked about it at a press conference, Coach Stroud said: ³Some people
have said that we should have kept quiet about it. That it was just
45 seconds, and that the player wasnıt really an impact player.
But you gotta do whatıs honest and right. I told my team that people
forget the scores of basketball games. They donıt ever forget what
youıre made out of.²
You
can be certain that every member of the Bulldogsı team will remember
the character of Coach Stroud. A letter to the editor of the local
newspaper summed it up well. ³We have scandals in Washington and
cheating on Wall Street. Thank goodness we live in Rockdale County,
where honor and integrity are alive and being practiced.²
Your
boys need to see you doing what is right, even when it is inconvenient
to do so.
+ + +
Iım
a single mom whoıs labored, sweated, prayed, cried, scrimped, saved,
cooked, cleaned, taught and shepherded my children through numerous
crises without the help of a husband or father for my kids. Iım
having a very difficult time of letting go now that they are grown.
Do you have any words of wisdom for me?
My
office at Focus on the Family sits across the valley from the U.S.
Air Force Academy. From there, I can see the cadets as they train
to be pilots and officers. I particularly enjoy watching the gliders
soaring through the heavens. The only way those graceful yellow
crafts can fly is to be tethered to a powered plane that takes them
up to where they can catch a wind current. Then they disengage and
sail free and alone until returning to land.
While
watching that beautiful spectacle one day, I recognized an analogy
between flying and child rearing as a single parent. There is a
time when your children need to be towed by the ³mother plane.²
If that assistance were not available, or if it were not accepted,
the ³glider² would never get off the ground. But, inevitably, there
comes an appropriate moment for a young pilot to disengage and soar
free and alone in the blue heavens. Both operations are necessary
for successful flight.
If
you as a parent are not there for your kids when they are young,
they are likely to remain ³grounded² for life. On the other hand,
if they stay tethered to you as young adults, they will never experience
the thrill of independent flight. Letting go not only gives freedom
to your grown son or daughter but allows you to soar as well.
o
These
are excerpted from books written by Dr. James Dobson of Focus on
the Family.
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