Church reaching out to family while husband is in war zone

By MICHAEL BARDER

It's five a.m. and the street is quiet. As the first glimpses of dawn begin to glow in the eastern sky, a wife passes through an American ritual following the footsteps of millions before. She embraces her husband and watches with tears in her eyes as he disappears into the darkness on his way to war.

This scene has been repeated thousands of times over the last several months as families say ed ones who have volunteered to serve their country and are being asked to go into harm’s way. For those left behind, the days stretch into weeks and months, and as the fighting seems to draw to a close, there is a sense of relief that their son, daughter, husband or wife, mom or dad will soon come home.

For Brenda Greenawalt, the days seem to be passing in rapid succession. Between caring for two boys (ages one and five), working part time and being connected with several small groups at Skyline Church, there isn’t much time to reflect on the fact that her Navy husband, Don, is in a war zone. Attached to Naval Special Warfare Group 3, Chief Greenawalt is a heavy equipment mechanic tasked with the job of making sure the Navy’s machinery runs smoothly in the harsh desert climate of Kuwait and Iraq.

“I’m moving a whole lot faster these days,” says Brenda who knows that trying to keep up with an active five-year-old and an infant who is fascinated with stairs is not an easy task. Not having her husband around has been hard for her oldest boy who is close to his dad, and idolizes him as a hero. Brenda says that her husband commands more respect from her son, and with his dad being gone, Brett has challenged his mom’s authority more vigorously.

“It’s really hard, because the discipline thing is rough,” she says. “When you’re tired, and you have a baby to take care of, and then there’s Brett with his boundless energy trying to challenge you and push the limits; that’s been so hard.”

Sometimes the media has made dealing with the uncertainty somewhat more difficult. By listening to the pundits and military “experts” one can get the feeling things are much worse than they really are. How do wives like Brenda deal with the cacophony of voices each spouting its own version of the war effort? “It really helps if I don’t dwell on that too much,” Brenda said. “In fact, I’ll go for a week at a time without watching the news.”

This also helps shield her young children from the disturbing images of death and destruction that are paraded before us. But perhaps the hardest part for Brenda has been when the kids are sick. Her youngest son, Ryan has been sick several times, and trying to juggle that along with all the other responsibilities has certainly been a challenge. But even in the most trying times, God has been faithful.

“The Lord has really taken care of things,” she says of the time her parents happened to be in town when her youngest son Ryan was the sickest he’s been this year. “There was a bigger picture going on, even though at the time I couldn’t see it.” Having friends who are able to help and offer support has been the most valuable experience of this separation period. In a church the size of Skyline, one can easily remain anonymous. In Brenda’s case, anonymity would have been emotionally disastrous. The women in her Women’s Bible study, HOME Group, and Skyline activities in which she participates have been there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on or simply a friend to listen.

“Skyline has been wonderful,” she says. “A lot of the ladies from our Sunday school class have sent me cards. It gives you energy to keep going when people are so supportive.”

And in the late hours of the night when she is alone and has time to think and reflect; prayer and faith is what keeps Brenda’s resolve strong. “I wouldn’t be as peaceful about this situation if it wasn’t for the prayers,” Brenda says. “There’s no way I could do this on my own.”

Brenda is looking forward to having Don come home soon. He is scheduled to rotate back to the States in a few months, and she anxiously awaits the day when she and the boys can welcome him back. But the real story here is how God can provide peace in the midst of fear and uncertainty. Knowing how to lean on His Word and connect with other believers is the most important way for a military wife to remain steadfast in the faith.

For those of us at home wondering how we can help and make a difference, the most important thing is to pray and find ways to tangibly show our support. Whether it be letters, emails, or notes of encouragement, every gesture, no matter how seemingly insignificant, can mean the difference between someone feeling alone and someone knowing the love of God as demonstrated through His children.

Michael Barder is on staff at Skyline Church in La Mesa as a graphic artist.