Define The Relationship

By Jeramy and Jerusha Clark

(Reviewed by Paul McShane)

Every once in a long while comes along a book that prompts the question, “Where was this when I needed it?” I grant you that having been married since Noah launched the ark, a book on the ethics of dating in the new millennium probably wouldn’t serve me very well except as something to share with the young people in our lives.

After reading this latest offering from the best selling authors of I Gave Dating A Chance I was amazed to learn how little I knew about the complexities of the range of issues young people entering a Christian relationship must navigate before they even think about embarking into the sea of wedded bliss. Just a few of the things covered in this extremely thorough manual are boundary setting, ways to avoid or get rid of emotional baggage, when and how a relationship should end, sex, and sensitive subjects such as jealousy, lying, manipulation, abuse, cheating, and spiritual differences.

Subtitled, “A Candid Look At Breaking Up, Making Up and Dating Well,” this release from Waterbrook Press is the fourth in a series of relationship “how to” books penned by the Escondido couple who have two children of their own and years as youth pastors to draw on.

The introduction in the book reminded me of the words to “Some Enchanted Evening” from “South Pacific.” I was taken back to my high school and college days and those first flirtatious glances, the “accidental” meetings, and all of the other things that by today’s standards seem (even to me) to be downright corny. I was reminded of my grandfather’s sage description of courtship. “It’s a ritual,” he told me, “wherein a young man chases a woman until she catches him.” Obviously, he never had the chance to read this book.

While this is a very studious book, it is neither “preachy” nor hard to read. It deals with a very complex set of issues in a very evenhanded way and left me feeling like I’d learned a few things I could share with the younger generation in my own family. Along that line, this is a book I wouldn’t hesitate recommending for any church library or as part of the youth pastor’s curriculum. It would also make a great addition to the family library in any home with dating age children.

It struck me as I read it that it would have been a valuable educational tool to share with my kids when the inevitable “uncomfortable” questions came up. The ever-popular old standby always worked for me, “Ask your Mother.”

With the influences the world promulgating images of Britany, Beyonce and Ludicrous throws at Christian youth every day from every direction, a book like this can help serve as much needed redirection that will help them in later life.

Its message is straightforward and refreshing, centering on honesty and communication supported by Scripture. Now that’s a message that’s sure to succeed anytime.

o

Paul McShane of Carlsbad is an author, businessman and journalist.