Foster parenting takes commitment

· May is Foster Parent Appreciation Month

By SIMONE CARR

You see an ad in the paper. They are looking for foster parents, a loving family with room enough for an extra child. You fit the description, but is it really that simple? What will that mean for you as parents? How will your own kids react?

Foster care is truly a wonderful ministry where you can make a lasting difference in someone’s life, but is also a ministry that you need to approach with open eyes and an informed mind.

There’s really no way to fully understand what it means unless you give it a try. The literature you get from the county or from any foster care agency can give you a general idea, but their orientation for prospective foster parents is especially valuable, even if you are still undecided.

The orientation will give you a general knowledge of the foster care system. A child is placed in foster care for several reasons. Most often, he or she comes from a situation of suspected abuse or neglect and placed temporarily in an emergency shelter or a diversion foster home while the allegations are investigated. If these are considered true, the child becomes a “dependent of the court.”

It is then the court’s responsibility to provide for the child and to make all decisions concerning his or her care and education. In most cases, there is an ongoing effort of reuniting the child to his or her parents. If the parents cannot meet the requirements for reunification within a certain time, a plan for a permanent home for the child is determined.

At this point, there are several options: a group home, “long-term foster care” (a family willing to take the child for more than three months), guardianship or adoption.

For you as a foster parent, the options will be long-term foster care, short-term foster care, respite or adoption. Typically, the county handles short-term foster care, and refers the most difficult placements for long term foster care to foster family agencies (FFA).

According to Jessica Stevens, certification coordinator for Olive Crest Foster and Adoption Agency, there are different reasons why the county would consider some children “harder to place” or “at risk.” “Typically, these are older children with behavioral issues, or sometimes sets of siblings,” she explained.

“Every separation from the parents is detrimental for a child,” she continued. “When the situation is especially difficult, the county moves the child to a FFA level, where foster parents find the extra support they need.”

According to Stevens, the lower ratio of children per case worker in a FFA represents an advantage over the County, that has a more limited amount of personnel. FFA case workers are able to visit the families more often and to provide greater support.

“In the beginning stages, we have an in-home orientation,” she added. “Rather than having a group of people together in an office room, we visit each family in their home where they feel more relaxed. That also gives us an idea of what they are really like, just from observing them as they interact with each other.”

“FFA families also receive greater financial reimbursement,” said Stevens, who was quick to add that the money is specifically designed for the needs of the child.

“On the other hand, the county offers more options. If you are looking for a specific gender, race, and age, you are better off contacting the county.”

Olive Crest, a FFA providing services in California (Los Angeles, Orange, San Diego and Riverside counties), Nevada, and Washington, is also licensed to offer adoptions.

The formula Olive Crest uses is fost-adoption, where a family takes in a child as foster parents at first, while going through all the paperwork for adoption. It’s important for parents to understand that until the child is actually fully adopted, there is still a chance that he or she will be reunified with his or her biological parents.

Olive Crest started in 1973 as a single home for four teenage girls. Today, it operates more than 20 residential homes, FFA’s and Children Centers for at-risk youth. Over the years, it has provided shelter and care for more than 30,000 abused children.

If you are not sure where you fit in the foster care system, but you have a desire to give it a try, you could start by giving respite to foster families, in other words, by taking some children into your home for a day or two when they or the foster parents need some time off. This is a good way to get acquainted with the foster care system and to understand the children who are served.

To do any type of foster care, however, including respite care, you will need to be licensed or certified (the County license foster parents and the FFA’s certify). That involves training, a background check, and an inspection of your house. Most rules concerning the home can be easily met. Two children of the same sex, for example, are allowed to share a room. Moving from one agency to another is possible, but requires a re-certification.

It is also important that you understand state regulations. Since every foster child is a dependent of the court, you will not have the final say in all matters regarding their upbringing. Your foster child will not be able to spend a night at a friend’s house without special permission by the case worker. He or she can’t carpool with other children unless you see the driver’s license and insurance.

Spanking is out. Also, you will not be able to make your foster child go to church if he or she doesn’t want to. And, in most cases, he or she will not be able to stay home without the licensed adult.

Are you ready for all this? Most foster parents believe that the rewards are worth the effort, but it’s good to be informed from the start and to make a commitment to stick to the task.

“We tell all our prospective parents that a commitment is essential,” said Judy Webb, program director for Rancho Jireh Foster Homes. “After their abusive past, foster children are looking for stable situations. It’s very damaging for children to keep moving around. On the other hand, we understand that it’s hard to commit to raising other people’s children.”

“It’s also hard to be fully prepared for it,” she continued. “It’s like having a baby. You can read everything on it, and still be caught unprepared.”

Rancho Jireh is a ministry of Thessalonika Family Services (TFS), which runs also two foster homes: Rancho Campus and Rancho Damacitas, both in Temecula.

Rancho Campus, where TFS’s main office is located, includes five homes catering to the needs of 30 children, and is designed to be the first stop for many of the children placed in the agency’s care. Rancho Damacitas, the oldest of the three programs (founded in 1988) is a middle step for foster children. Its facilities include three homes for a maximum of 18 children. Each home is overseen by a case manager.

For married couples who want to devote all their time to the foster care ministry, TFS offers a position of Home Parents. As Home Parents, a couple will move into one of the agency’s foster homes and care for the children who are placed with them.

“Foster parents have the most demanding work in the foster care system,” said Troy Vugteen, assistant executive director for Koinonia Foster Homes. “Our agency is working actively to bring them more recognition, contacting legislators to bring changes that allow them to get better support.”

“The media is also guilty of focusing on the negative,” he continued. “Most foster parents have a heart for the children. They have to fight bureaucracy, and many frustrations, and still they continue to care. Then they get blamed for continuing the abuse. It’s true that there are some isolated cases, some bad apples, but they are few and far between.”

Koinonia is very selective in choosing foster parents. “Last year, 800 people called but only 70 were finally certified,” Vugteen explained.

“Koinonia” (Koy-no-nee’-ah) is a Greek word meaning “fellowship.” The agency was founded in 1982 by Miriam Golden, Koinonia’s executive director. It includes now over 40 offices located throughout California and Nevada, and serves over 1,000 children and young people.

“The average time for parents to continue to do foster care is two or three years. Then discouragement kicks in. Some, however, can look beyond the problems. For many, it is a ministry, an obedience to Matthew 25:25.”

Although Koinonia is not expressively a Christian agency, Vugteen said that it is faith-based. “We cannot discriminate and accept only Christian parents, but, for those who are Christian, we are able to relate to their faith and speak their language.” Golden, daughter of two pastors, started the work as a ministry, in a church in Northern California.

Olive Crest, according to Stevens, is also founded on Judeo-Christian values, “while respecting the religious background of each individual.”

Webb believes that Rancho Jireh is unique in this respect because it recruits exclusively from the Christian community. Problems are solved with prayer, and their bulletin includes spiritual lessons.

If you still are not sure about being a foster parent, but you want to do something for those children, there are other ways for you to be involved.

“You can support the parents,” Webb explained.

Can you just be a mentor to a foster child? “Of course,” she said. “Studies have shown that kids who succeed in life usually had someone to see them through when they were young. It could be a foster parent, a teacher, or a mentor.”

Webb stressed, however, the need for commitment. “If you want to be involved in the life of a foster child, take some time first to see if you can make a commitment to continue on a regular basis. These children have had people walk in and out of their lives for too long.”

Let’s break the cycle.