What Dad Needs

Years ago, when my oldest (who is now 17) was 3, I went with my husband to pick up his father for a lunch date. While Bill went into the building to get his father, I stayed in the car with my newborn and my toddler. The parking lot was completely empty, so I decided now would be an appropriate time to nurse my infant. A few moments later, a middle-age man in a red convertible sports car drove up next to us and parked. He could have parked anywhere, since the parking lost was empty, but he chose right next to our car. He just sat in his car, listening to his radio.

My impatient toddler hopped out of his car seat and promptly opened his door swinging it right into the red sports car! I was mortified — and because I was nursing, it took me a moment to place the baby in a car seat and try to capture my toddler. Brock heard my cry and command to get back in the car and he tried - but trying to shut the door, he banged the car again. I looked at the red-faced man in the car. He was ready to blow his top. I felt in danger for myself and for my sons. I whisked Brock into the car, locked the door, looked at the man and mouthed an “I’m very sorry.” And I prayed my husband would return and we could trade insurance numbers, etc. I felt horrible that my child had harmed his car. They were tiny dings, but I still felt bad. But I was about to feel worse. The man got out of his car and came over to my window and began to beat on it with his fists, swearing and threatening me and my children. I told him through the closed window that my husband would return and make things right but the man got in his car and peeled out in a huff.

I was trembling, crying and upset when Bill returned to the car. I recounted the story to Bill and his father — and they were outraged that any grown man would act in such a manner, especially toward a nursing mother and toddler. But now that I am in midlife myself, I have gained new compassion for the man in the red sports car. He was a frustrated midlife man. That car might have been the only toy he had. He might have sacrificed for others for years, driving used cars, giving up his golf game so his kids could get tennis shoes. Jim Conway, in his book, Men in MidLife Crisis said he felt at midlife like a vending machine because people always wanted something from him. I observed what people this last week wanted from my own husband:

Give me the car keys.

Give me counsel.

Give me money.

Give me your wisdom.

Give me your connections.

Give me your time.

Give me your talent.

Give me your resources.

Give me your prayers.

Give me your muscles.

Give me your expertise.

Give me, give me, give me — and he gave, and gave and gave. So this Father’s Day, we’re going to give Dad a real day off — no requests, no demands, no expectations. Maybe in giving back to the men in all our lives we can help lessen the pressure on some of those driving red convertibles — I mean, lessen the pressure of the men who are driving the churches, businesses, schools, and communities, we hold dear.

o

Bill and Pam Farrel have authored numerous books. Bill is also the pastor of Valley Bible Church in San Marcos, (760) 744-0274.