Pastor Bob Litts,
Rancho Bernardo Baptist Church:

Am I the spiritual leader to my family? A simple test: “God has called us to peace.” Peace is a characteristic of kingdom living. This is my H.E.A.R.T.

H. Health: Spiritual health is a personal discipline. To bless others I must first pay close attention to my own spirit.

E. Energy: To serve by the strength God supplies, for loving my wife, and for keeping my cool with my children. I keep my peace even if others don’t.

A. Attitude: I am disciplined to think about things above. My mind is at peace with making godly choices.

R. Righteousness: Keeping a good conscience — the outcome of obeying God.

T. Truth spoken in love: fitting speech from a tender-heart.

So, do I bring peace to my family as the spiritual leader, or am I waiting for someone else to lead in bringing peace to my home and family?

Pastor Jim Hill,
North Clairemont United Methodist Church, San Diego:

Fathers are men, and men are especially appointed by God to bring strength, leadership and vision to the service of the whole family. This strength is to provide security and stability for all in the family. Leadership means more the accepting of responsibility than it does the taking of authority. Authority will flow from the successful handling of responsibility. Think of the term “servant leader.” Vision means that the man sees something beyond himself and something beyond the moment. It entails provision and purpose. Now then, fathers need to be successful as men to be their best as fathers. Next, the example of a father loving his wife is one of the best things that men can do for their children! (And it is not too bad for the marriage either.)

Now, more specifically for fathering, I would offer these words: Bond early (Jeremiah 1:15), stay involved (Joshua 1:5), provide instruction (Proverbs 22:6), listen (John 11:42), be consistent (Matthew 5:37), be flexible (Ephesians 6:4), be aware (Psalm 139:8), have fun (Nehemiah 8:10), be nurturing (Luke 13:34), have empowering expectations (Leviticus 19:2), and give approval (Matthew 17:5).

You cannot lead your family to a place you have not been. If you do not know Jesus, you will not lead your family to Him. If you do not have a healthy relationship with His body, the church, do not expect your family to have one. If you have not found meaning in prayer or worship or fellowship or service, you will not lead your family to it. Dropping off the kids at church or “allowing” the wife to take them, proclaims clearly your rejection of God. If you do not have peace, you cannot give it to your family. If there is some spiritual place into which you would like to lead your family, then go there yourself first.

Finally, with all the admonitions, family leadership can seem like a frightening burden, and it is not! All right, so sometimes it is both frightening and a burden, but fundamentally it is a privilege and a joy. So don’t forget to enjoy the mission and accomplishment that God has made you for, and the family that God has gifted you with.