Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It was like yesterday. I was 18, I had just recommitted my life to Christ and I was dating a non-Christian. Up until the time I went to Campus Crusade for Christ, I had never even heard the verse, 2 Cor. 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” But one day, Tina, the woman who was discipling me, asked if I was going to come to a Bible study and I told her, “No, it’s my birthday and my boyfriend is coming to town to take me out.”

“Come together after dinner. I could meet him.”

“Well, he isn’t into God much, I don’t know if he’d come.”

“Why are you with someone who isn’t into God, if you are? Let me show you this verse.” Then she pulled out 2 Cor 6:14. Instant conviction. Pam, who is more important to you? Jesus or John?”

“Jesus, “ I quickly quipped back. But the Holy Spirit inside me whispered, If I am really that important to you, why did she even have to ask?

I did invite John to come to the Bible study. He was miserable and he didn’t want to meet any of my new friends. He had no interest about talking or learning about God, then after the meeting, he pressured me to have sex. I had been very, very clear I wasn’t going to cross that line before marriage. I felt disrespected as a woman, as a person and for my beliefs from someone I thought I was “in love with.” I realized I was in love with love, not in love with him. So I broke up with him. I cried, then I felt a huge sense of relief and an amazing feeling of peace as if God was smiling down from heaven and giving me a pat on the back.

But I knew I was vulnerable, so I laid a few boundaries in place to keep me from going back or getting into another relationship with a non-believer.

God first: I made a decision to spend every morning with the Bible and in prayer. I put God first in my day and in my social calendar. I added in church, Bible studies, and fellowship with other Christian women who also wanted to obey God in this area of life.

Girlfriends not guys: I took a dating sabbatical. I took over six months to just hang out with girlfriends who wanted God’s best, too. (Interestingly, most of them had also just broken up with non-believers — and are all now married to men in ministry!) During this time, I studied the gospels, writing down traits I saw in Jesus that would help me recognize a godly guy once I felt God releasing me to date again.

Goal Driven: I reorganized my life to be goal-driven not guy-driven. I noticed that many of the things I had been doing were in my life because John wanted them there. I asked God to show me who I was and the plan he had uniquely for me. He was very great to do just that. As I obeyed, I felt called to go to more and more leadership conferences. I felt called into ministry. At one of those conferences I met a handsome young godly guy with a beautiful smile and a gentle manner, who was named Bill. We started talking at one conference, started writing after a second leadership conference, started dating at the third leadership conference, and in 9 months we were engaged. We have been happily married for almost 24 years.

I look back and I am so grateful for the question, “Who is more important to you? Jesus or John?” I could have missed out on the best man, other than Jesus, I have ever known. I am privileged to be married to one of the truly great godly men of the world. Our relationship has become a role model for thousands. (If you are single and struggling, read more in our book: Single Men are like Waffles, Single Women are like Spaghetti). Obedience to God — you can’t beat the payoff!

o

Bill and Pam Farrel of San Marcos are international speakers and authors of over 20 books, including Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. They are also co-directors of Masterful Living, www.masterfulliving.com