|
What has been your greatest challenge
as a father? What did you learn from it?
Raising
healthy, well-educated, self-disciplined children who love God and
their fellow human beings is, I believe, the most challenging responsibility
in life. Not even rocket science can approach it for complexity
and unpredictability. And of course, the job is even more difficult
today when our culture undermines and contradicts everything parents
are trying to accomplish at home. Fortunately, we are not asked
to do everything perfectly as moms and dads. Our kids usually manage
to survive our mistakes and turn out better than we have any right
to boast about.
I
certainly made my share of mistakes as a father. Like millions of
other men of my era, I often had a tough time balancing the pressures
of my profession with the needs of my family. Not that I ever became
an “absentee father,” but I did struggle at times to
be as accessible as I should have been. As it happened, my first
book, “Dare to Discipline,” was published the same week
that our second child, Ryan, arrived.
A
baby always turns a house upside down, but the reaction to my book
added to the turmoil. I was a full-time professor at a medical school,
and yet I was inundated
by thousands of letters and requests of every sort. There was no
mechanism to handle this sudden notoriety. I remember flying to
New York one Thursday night, where I did 17 television shows and
press interviews in three days, returning to work on Monday morning.
It was nothing short of overwhelming.
My
father, who always served as a beacon in dark times, saw what was
happening to me and wrote a letter that was to change my life. First,
he congratulated me on my success, but then warned that all the
success in the world would not compensate if I failed at home. He
reminded me that the spiritual welfare of our children was my most
important responsibility, and that the only way to build their faith
was to model it personally and then to stay on my knees in
prayer. That couldn’t be done if I invested every resource
in my profession. I have never forgotten that profound advice.
It
eventually led to my resignation from the university and to the
development of a ministry that permitted me to stay at home. I quit
accepting speaking requests, started a radio program that required
no travel, and refused to do “book tours” or accept
other lengthy responsibilities that would take me away from my family.
As I look back on that era today, I am so grateful that I chose
to preserve my relationship with my children. The closeness that
we enjoy today can be traced to that decision to make time for them
when they needed me most. I could easily have made the greatest
mistake of my life at that time.
I’m
sure many fathers will read this response and find themselves today
where I was back then. If you are one of them, I urge you to give
priority to your family. Those kids around your feet will be grown
and gone before you know it. Don’t let the opportunities of
these days slip away from you. No professional accomplishment or
success is worth that cost. When you stand where I am today, the
relationship with those you love will outweigh every other good
thing in your life.
+ + +
Would you say that most marital problems are caused by sexual
difficulties?
No,
the opposite is more accurate. Most sexual problems are caused by
marital difficulties. Or stated another way, couples that have problems
in bed often have bigger problems during the other 23 1/2 hours
of the day.
Excerpted from books written by Dr. James Dobson
of Focus on the Family and published by Tyndale House.
|
