|  I
was taught in my psychology class that babies come into the world
devoid of personality, and the environment then stamps its image.
Do you disagree?
Yes,
although that understanding has been accepted for hundreds of years.
Philosophers Locke and Rousseau told us in the 17th and 18th centuries
that babies come into the world as ³tabula rasas,² or ³blank slates,²
upon which society and the environment wrote the fundamentals of
personality. But they were wrong. We now know that every newborn
is unique from every other baby, even from the first moments outside
the womb. Except for identical twins, triplets, etc., no two are
alike in temperament, biochemistry or genetics.
How
foolish of philosophers and behavioral scientists to have thought
otherwise. If every grain of sand is unique and every snowflake
is like no other, how simplistic to have believed that human beings
are mass-produced like little robots. That is nonsense.
Just
ask the real experts -- the mothers who understand their babies
better than anyone. Theyıll tell you that each of their infants
had a different ³feel² -- a different personality -- from the first
moment they were held. If these mothers are eventually blessed with
six or eight or even 20 children, they will continue to say emphatically
that every one of them was unique and distinct from the others when
only 1 hour old. They are right -- and their perceptions are being
confirmed by scientific inquiry.
+ + +
My
children are still in elementary school, but I want to avoid adolescent
rebellion in the future if I can. What can you tell me to help me
get ready for this scary time?
I
can understand why you look toward the adolescent years with some
apprehension. This is a tough time to raise kids. Many youngsters
sail right through that period with no unusual stresses and problems,
but others get caught in a pattern of rebellion that disrupts families
and scares their moms and dads to death.
Iıve
spent several decades trying to understand that phenomenon and how
to prevent it. The encouraging thing is that the most rebellious
teens usually grow up to be responsible and stable adults who canıt
remember why they were so angry in their earlier days.
I
once devoted a radio program to a panel of formerly rebellious teens
that included three successful ministers, the Rev. Raul Ries, Pastor
Mike MacIntosh, and the Rev. Franklin Graham, son of Dr. Billy and
Ruth Graham. Each of them had been difficult adolescents who gave
their parents fits. With the exception of Raul, who had been abused
at home, the other two couldnıt recall what motivated their misbehavior
or why they didnıt just go along to get along.
That
is often the way with adolescence. Itıs like a tornado that drops
unexpectedly out of a dark sky, tyrannizes a family, shakes up the
community and then blows on by. Then the sun comes out and spreads
its warmth again.
Even
though the teen years can be challenging, theyıre also filled with
excitement and growth. Rather than fearing that experience, I think
you ought to anticipate it as a dynamic time when your kids transition
from childhood to full-fledged adulthood.
o
Dr.
James Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit
organization Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs; or www.family.org.
Questions and answers are excerpted from The
Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide and Bringing Up
Boys, both published by Tyndale House.
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